Prodigal Daughter

Luke 15:11-24
Jesus continued: "There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, 'Father, give me my share of the inheritance.' So he divided his property between them. Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything. When he came to his senses, he said 'How many of my father's hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.' So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.' But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate."

Well, here we go! Where to begin?! The last few months have been very...unexpected (for lack of a better word) and I have found myself on a totally new path, a path that has been planned by my Heavenly Father instead of myself. Plans. Why do we as humans always try to plan? I'm not speaking in regards to when you're going to do your homework or what you're going to have for dinner, but I'm talking about the "big plans". Plans like, where you're going to live, what major you're going to have, or (what seems to be expected of young adults my age) what you're going to do for the rest of your life. It seems as if my entire life has been focused on and around what plans I had for myself, and it never crossed my mind that maybe, just maybe God might have things in control. Because ultimately, isn't there only one plan that matters: His?

What is so obvious to me now; that I need to give up control of my life to the Lord and trust in his plans, was not always important to me. I had plans to attend college at Millersville, receive my degree in Social Work, get my masters (to make more money of course), marry the boy I had been dating for almost 5 years, settle down, have kids, raise kids, grow old, retire, and then die. This is a general outline of the life I had planned out for myself. There's nothing wrong with this life! I would have been content, happy even, but when things fell apart I was forced to reevaluate my "perfect" plan and instead open my eyes to a life beyond my wildest dreams, a life designed specifically by my Creator.

This life-changing realization came when the relationship I had with my boyfriend ended. If you couldn't tell from MY plan, he was a huge part of the life I had laid out for myself. Simply saying I was heartbroken would be the understatement of the year. I felt like I couldn't breathe, like someone had just knocked the wind right out of me and I couldn't seem to fill my lungs back up. I was drowning in self pity and confusion. What had I done wrong? How could I get him back? Why was this happening? After sitting and talking with him for a couple of hours, the man I had called "mine" walked out of my home and out of my life. As I stood there, unable to help myself from watching his car disappear behind the gray macadam I felt a lonliness that I had never before experienced. Numbly I decended the stairs to the basement where I crawled into bed. I'd hoped that maybe I'd be able to sleep the hurt away, like a fever or headache, but found that my feeble attempt was foolish when I woke from my dreams and entered a nightmare.

(Background Info)
For 2 years prior to this heartbreak my relationship with God had been far from ideal. I attended church, youth group, and missions trips, but outside of those things I was living a sinful life. I had absolutely no relationship with God other than the slight guilt and remorse I felt when I sinned. I knew this was not how I, as a Follower of Christ, was being called to live, but I always thought that I could turn my life around later, when I was older and wiser and had settled down. I mean, these were supposed to be my rebellious years, right?! I know, this logic was completely foolish.

(Back to the Story)
So, here I am laying in bed, not sure of what to do next, when I sit up (which at the moment seems to take every fiber of my being to accomplish) and I cry out to my long lost Father. I plead for mercy and grace; things that I feel so unworthy of but so desperate for. I'm ashamed of myself. I'm ashamed that I ignored my God for so long. I'm ashamed of all my sin. I'm ashamed that it took so much pain for me to finally see that I am/have absolutely nothing without God. I reach over, grab my Bible and start reading. Before I know it I'm lost. But this isn't the kind of lost that makes your hands sweat and your heart race. I became lost in the Word and lost in God's peace. And when I say lost, I mean I felt the Holy Spirit. I felt him pick up my broken heart in his loving hands and begin to piece it back together. My Father saw me in my brokenness and he ran to me. There was no hesitation, no question of whether I would sin again (of course I would, time and time again) or if I would turn my back once more. He didn't care. He forgave my iniquities in an instant and wanted nothing more than to have me as his own once again. It is this relentless love that has completely stolen my heart.

I don't know why it took so long for me to come upon the realization that God is all I do and ever will need, but I do know that the heartbreak I went through was the best thing to have ever happened to me. I'm not saying that now I'm without sin or that everything is easy; that's not the case at all! Christians were never promised an easy, luxurious life. But now I have found my rock, my shelter. Through this difficult season of my life, this prodigal daughter found her way back into her Father's open arms.