Howdy from TEXAS!! I have been here for almost 2 weeks and I am finally getting a chance to write a little something for y'all!
I am currently working the "Graveyard shift" (10 p to 6 a) and I am taking advantage of the combination of wifi AND free time!
So: I am residing in sunny Waco, Texas, home to the Baylor Bears (GO BU!!) and the birthplace of Dr. Pepper and the David Crowder Band! I am working (volunteering?) at the Family Abuse Center, a shelter for those who have been affected by domestic violence.
It's easy to say that there will be challenges in your year of volunteer service, but when you usually say this (at least in my case) the concept of traveling afar and being a "light in this dark world" is exciting and exhilarating! While I've had an amazing time thus far here in Texas, I have definitely been surprised by some things.
For example: While at orientation, my leader, Callie, told us that when we are at our placements there will be clients who really don't care who we are and why we're there, they will simply just want the services we can provide. This could not be truer at times. Here I am, a young adult who left college to join BVS, and I'm hoping to speak life into these people...or if not actually speak it to just reflect Christ, and at times it seems as it some of them would rather I not be here at all.
Sure, I've messed up while I've been here (burning the beef stew was not one of my finer moments) but it's a learning process. I find myself sometimes seeking the sympathy of these clients but then I will catch myself. I'm reminded of why I'm really here: to help these individuals gain confidence and independence, to branch out on their own, and to establish healthy, lasting relationships. I am not here for their sympathy. I am not here to make myself feel better. I am here to serve. And sometimes service is not easy.
But if it was always easy, would it really be true service? If I wasn't struggling to constantly give of my time, patience, and resources to the clients, would I really, truly be serving them will all my strength?
I'm not saying service has to be difficult. And I'm not saying that I'm consciously seeking out situations where I am pushed to my limits, but I do think that working with these individuals is showing me the true love of Christ.
My failings and struggles are a testimony to just how perfect God is. He loves regardless of what we do or how we treat him, and I believe that this "revelation" is going to be a huge lesson for me over the next year.
I miss you all and I hope everything is going well wherever you may be!
God Bless!
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Deep Thinking
Hello! I don't have much time to write seeing as I have to be in an orientation meeting in 13 minutes, BUT I really wanted to post this poem that was read to us last night. I'm usually not a fan of poetry due to the fact that rhyming poetry is only cute when written for small children and all other poetry is usually written in what seems like another language (and there are my poetry misconceptions for the day)! So here she is, enjoy!!!!!!!
"The Invitation"
By Oriah Mountain Dreamer
"The Invitation"
By Oriah Mountain Dreamer
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Friday, September 21, 2012
BeginningVenturing...Somewhat
HELLO ANYONE WHO IS READING THIS!!
So, as many, if not all of you know I am currently in New Windsor, Maryland for my Brethren Volunteer Service orientation. I have been here since the 16th of September and will continue to reside here (with a visit to D.C. in the middle) until the 5th of October!
Thus far orientation has consisted of ice breakers (woot woot!), feeding 27ish people on a budget of $28 per meal (yeah, figure that out), attending sessions where we discuss issues such as conflict and living in different enviornments, and simply just getting to know one another.
There are 25 volunteers in my orientation group; 14 from the United States and 11 from Germany. I absolutely LOVE having "The Germans" here! I have not had the opportunity to leave the country yet, but just meeting them and getting to know where they come from and how their culture varies from our own has added fuel to the flame, so to speak.
As with any similar situation, there are always barriers with the communication between "The Americans" and "The Germans" but I think God has blessed me with an increased understanding and patience when I am talking with any of my new, foreign friends. Don't get me wrong, they are much better at speaking english than they give themselves credit for, but there are still limits.
All in all I have greatly enjoyed getting to know the members of my orientation so far and I am really looking forward to the next two weeks; if they are anything like this week than they are sure to move very quickly! A curse as well as a blessing!
I'm not sure if I would like to share where I will be going yet due to the fact that nothing has been finalized, BUT I will be meeting with my orientation leader as well as the director of BVS on Sunday to discuss and plan to speak with my potential site!
As expected, many people (MANY) have asked me where I will be going over the last few months and of course I had to respond with a vague and unsatisfying answer, but ultimately, I think that this lack of control and a plan has blessed me. I often try to control many things, things that in my mind seem controllable, but in reality are not, and I believe that God has been teaching me how to let go and let Him work and this BVS process is just another thing He is asking me to give to Him. I'm not nervous at all for this next year. I realize that there will be times when I just want to be home, sitting on the couch and pigging out of food I didn't have to stategically buy with what little money I have, and there will also be times when I really don't want to have to worry about or help others, but I KNOW that this year is going to be a mightly blessing in my life. I am going to learn more than I could ever imagine and I'm going to grow is many aspects.
My hope and prayer is that I continue to listen to my Lord's voice; to ignore my own selfish desires and instead follow His mighty and yes, His unusual and difficult plan. I do not want my love for Christ to be muffled any longer by my desire to be "normal" or fulfill my own desires. I want to live my faith.
And so I am on this journey. A journey of self discovery, perhaps? A journey to take "me" out of the center of my life and instead place my perfect King there.
Please pray that God continues to bless me with this peace, patience, and love and pray that I would be a beacon into the lives of my fellow BVSers as well as those in which I will be serving over the next year.
GOD BLESS YOU LOVELY PEOPLE!
So, as many, if not all of you know I am currently in New Windsor, Maryland for my Brethren Volunteer Service orientation. I have been here since the 16th of September and will continue to reside here (with a visit to D.C. in the middle) until the 5th of October!
Thus far orientation has consisted of ice breakers (woot woot!), feeding 27ish people on a budget of $28 per meal (yeah, figure that out), attending sessions where we discuss issues such as conflict and living in different enviornments, and simply just getting to know one another.
There are 25 volunteers in my orientation group; 14 from the United States and 11 from Germany. I absolutely LOVE having "The Germans" here! I have not had the opportunity to leave the country yet, but just meeting them and getting to know where they come from and how their culture varies from our own has added fuel to the flame, so to speak.
As with any similar situation, there are always barriers with the communication between "The Americans" and "The Germans" but I think God has blessed me with an increased understanding and patience when I am talking with any of my new, foreign friends. Don't get me wrong, they are much better at speaking english than they give themselves credit for, but there are still limits.
All in all I have greatly enjoyed getting to know the members of my orientation so far and I am really looking forward to the next two weeks; if they are anything like this week than they are sure to move very quickly! A curse as well as a blessing!
I'm not sure if I would like to share where I will be going yet due to the fact that nothing has been finalized, BUT I will be meeting with my orientation leader as well as the director of BVS on Sunday to discuss and plan to speak with my potential site!
As expected, many people (MANY) have asked me where I will be going over the last few months and of course I had to respond with a vague and unsatisfying answer, but ultimately, I think that this lack of control and a plan has blessed me. I often try to control many things, things that in my mind seem controllable, but in reality are not, and I believe that God has been teaching me how to let go and let Him work and this BVS process is just another thing He is asking me to give to Him. I'm not nervous at all for this next year. I realize that there will be times when I just want to be home, sitting on the couch and pigging out of food I didn't have to stategically buy with what little money I have, and there will also be times when I really don't want to have to worry about or help others, but I KNOW that this year is going to be a mightly blessing in my life. I am going to learn more than I could ever imagine and I'm going to grow is many aspects.
My hope and prayer is that I continue to listen to my Lord's voice; to ignore my own selfish desires and instead follow His mighty and yes, His unusual and difficult plan. I do not want my love for Christ to be muffled any longer by my desire to be "normal" or fulfill my own desires. I want to live my faith.
And so I am on this journey. A journey of self discovery, perhaps? A journey to take "me" out of the center of my life and instead place my perfect King there.
Please pray that God continues to bless me with this peace, patience, and love and pray that I would be a beacon into the lives of my fellow BVSers as well as those in which I will be serving over the next year.
GOD BLESS YOU LOVELY PEOPLE!
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Living Love
Wow. That about sums up the last 6 weeks of my life. As most of you know I have been working at Black Rock Retreat as a counselor this summer. The hours are long, the pay is low, and I forget what it feels like to not be constantly sweating, but I cannot imagine a more perfect place to be. God has blessed me beyond belief through this experience! Not only have I have the opportunity to witness to students in grades 2 through 12, but I have also been able to grow in my relationship with the Lord. There have been moments when I'm exhausted, irritable, and just plain sick of being around people and giving myself to my campers, but the patience and love that has filled me this summer can only be explained as coming from the Holy Spirit. Never before have the Fruits of the Spirit been so evident in my life (and I'm not trying to brag or anything when I say that!) and I feel as if I am truly living my relationship with the Lord, not just going through the motions. The passion and fire I feel for Christ now makes me wonder how I lived before. Where did I find my joy? Who did I seek to help me with my problems or struggles? How did I process different events in my life? In all honesty, I was completely lost. And while the barriers of camp do create what seems like a totally different world, being in such a loving and passionate place has filled me with the knowledge and wisdom that I need to carry with me during my year-long excursion.
(I can't ever seem to remember who I've told and who I haven't, BUT I have been officially accepted into Brethren Volunteer Service and will be leaving September 16th for New Windsor, Maryland where I will be for 3 weeks. I will choose my location for the year while I am in New Windsor. So, when I find out where I'm going to be, you folks will find out too!)
Don't be mistaken, there have been some incredibly hard moments at camp. There have been campers who are filled with apathy, grief, and confusion and based off of their life experiences, rightly so, but God has blessed me immensely with the ability to share his love and grace when speaking to these beautiful children and young women of Christ. To put it plainly, camp has been the best experience of my short life thus far.
While I am excited for my volunteer experience to begin, I am also dreading the end of camp and am processing what this next year will look like for me. The thought of being away from my family and pets (yes, even the pets) makes me anxious. I know I will miss opportunities to just be a "normal: teenage girl and hang out with my friends from home, school, and Black Rock, as well as work as a counselor again next summer, but I know that my Father in Heaven has grand plans for me! Prayer for peace and an unending joy as I move from season to season would be greatly appreciated!
I love you all and God Bless!!
(I can't ever seem to remember who I've told and who I haven't, BUT I have been officially accepted into Brethren Volunteer Service and will be leaving September 16th for New Windsor, Maryland where I will be for 3 weeks. I will choose my location for the year while I am in New Windsor. So, when I find out where I'm going to be, you folks will find out too!)
Don't be mistaken, there have been some incredibly hard moments at camp. There have been campers who are filled with apathy, grief, and confusion and based off of their life experiences, rightly so, but God has blessed me immensely with the ability to share his love and grace when speaking to these beautiful children and young women of Christ. To put it plainly, camp has been the best experience of my short life thus far.
While I am excited for my volunteer experience to begin, I am also dreading the end of camp and am processing what this next year will look like for me. The thought of being away from my family and pets (yes, even the pets) makes me anxious. I know I will miss opportunities to just be a "normal: teenage girl and hang out with my friends from home, school, and Black Rock, as well as work as a counselor again next summer, but I know that my Father in Heaven has grand plans for me! Prayer for peace and an unending joy as I move from season to season would be greatly appreciated!
I love you all and God Bless!!
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Lovin' and Learnin' - 1st Two Weeks at Camp
Hello everyone! Long time no blog! As you might know I have been extremely busy for the last couple of weeks due to camp starting. Simply saying that these have been some of the most amazing and memorable weeks of my life thus far would be an understatement.
(side note for all of these weeks: I have a co-counselor and for these weeks it was an amazing girl named Krystle)
Last week was "Special Week" a week dedicated to serving adults with intellectual disabilities. I had never before worked with closely with any age affected by these disabilities so I was definitely anxious for the week to come (would it be awkward? would I know how to act? how would I reach them mentally and more importantly spiritually?). Tons of questions raced through my mind but they were quickly forgotten! One my 7 wonderful campers arrived at Black Rock the love I have for them began to grow. It was not always easy to love these sometimes surprising ladies but reflecting back, I could not have selected a more amazing group. These women provided me with a combination of challenges that helped me grow immensely and rewarding moments that touched my heart. Having to care for grown women was an experience that taught me great patience and humility; two lessons that God knows I always need to work on!
This past week was was Jr. High week! Everyone (or almost everyone) I talk with about this age groups seems to only have negative things to say (middle school attitudes, sass, ect.) so I was also nervous for this week to begin as well! But lucky for me this week absolutely blew my mind, in the most amazing way possible! I had 9 girls in my cabin (8 of them going into 6th grade and 1 going into 8th) and I loved each one of them more than I thought would be possible after just a week together! And I'd like to think that they loved me right back! This week was not exempt from challenges though! While the majority of the week went smoothly there were a few bumps along the road. One of my girls was very unique and she accepted the title of being weird. While I'm not discouraging creativity and being different it was sometimes difficult to help this girl see that she should instead be seeking her identity in Christ and not the world. Another one of my girls was very passionate about everything! She loved talking and competition and was very knowledgeable in reagards to scripture and the Lord, but she would often pick on the "weird girl" I had previously mentioned. At camp we do not tolerate bullying of any kind; Black Rock is a safe haven from cruelty and absolutely none of our campers are to be made fun of. It was a challenge for me to have to constantly be on the look out for bullying and then impliment the proper discipline but I definitely grew through it! I can not only be the fun, cool counselor, but I can also protect and look our for my girls. There were a few other not so great happenings throughout the week but they were far outnumbered by the wonderful moments I had with my amazing girls. It was definitely bittersweet to have to say goodbye to them today; I don't know if I'll have another cabin as great as this past week, but I am also beyond excited for the rest of the summer!
If any of you reading would like to pray for me you can pray that the entire summer staff as well as all of the campers (this coming week (week 3) will be 4th and 5th graders) will be kept safe and also that we would all grow in our relationship with Christ! Thank you for all of the prayers and support that you have already sent my way! Love you all!
(side note for all of these weeks: I have a co-counselor and for these weeks it was an amazing girl named Krystle)
Last week was "Special Week" a week dedicated to serving adults with intellectual disabilities. I had never before worked with closely with any age affected by these disabilities so I was definitely anxious for the week to come (would it be awkward? would I know how to act? how would I reach them mentally and more importantly spiritually?). Tons of questions raced through my mind but they were quickly forgotten! One my 7 wonderful campers arrived at Black Rock the love I have for them began to grow. It was not always easy to love these sometimes surprising ladies but reflecting back, I could not have selected a more amazing group. These women provided me with a combination of challenges that helped me grow immensely and rewarding moments that touched my heart. Having to care for grown women was an experience that taught me great patience and humility; two lessons that God knows I always need to work on!
This past week was was Jr. High week! Everyone (or almost everyone) I talk with about this age groups seems to only have negative things to say (middle school attitudes, sass, ect.) so I was also nervous for this week to begin as well! But lucky for me this week absolutely blew my mind, in the most amazing way possible! I had 9 girls in my cabin (8 of them going into 6th grade and 1 going into 8th) and I loved each one of them more than I thought would be possible after just a week together! And I'd like to think that they loved me right back! This week was not exempt from challenges though! While the majority of the week went smoothly there were a few bumps along the road. One of my girls was very unique and she accepted the title of being weird. While I'm not discouraging creativity and being different it was sometimes difficult to help this girl see that she should instead be seeking her identity in Christ and not the world. Another one of my girls was very passionate about everything! She loved talking and competition and was very knowledgeable in reagards to scripture and the Lord, but she would often pick on the "weird girl" I had previously mentioned. At camp we do not tolerate bullying of any kind; Black Rock is a safe haven from cruelty and absolutely none of our campers are to be made fun of. It was a challenge for me to have to constantly be on the look out for bullying and then impliment the proper discipline but I definitely grew through it! I can not only be the fun, cool counselor, but I can also protect and look our for my girls. There were a few other not so great happenings throughout the week but they were far outnumbered by the wonderful moments I had with my amazing girls. It was definitely bittersweet to have to say goodbye to them today; I don't know if I'll have another cabin as great as this past week, but I am also beyond excited for the rest of the summer!
The beautiful ladies of Cardinal B!!!
(minus Krystle)
If any of you reading would like to pray for me you can pray that the entire summer staff as well as all of the campers (this coming week (week 3) will be 4th and 5th graders) will be kept safe and also that we would all grow in our relationship with Christ! Thank you for all of the prayers and support that you have already sent my way! Love you all!
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
A Nana's Wisdom
For the past few weeks I have been battling Mono. It's safe to say that I've definitely had more fun than this. But while being sick has come at an inconvenient time (according to MY plan) it has definitely been a blessing. I didn't even realize this until just this morning when I checked my email and saw that I had received a message from my grammy. She wrote just a short amount, but it spoke to me so much. What struck me the most was simply:
"Wonder what God is saying about this mono business?
Our plans and His plans"
For those of you who don't know, I do not like being sick (who does?!). I become especially whiny when I have a sore throat (just ask mama about it, she will testify). Earlier this week I would have described my throat's pain as a raging forest fire (and I am not being dramatic!). Yes, this was again an inconvenience, but I was not allowing myself to see the positives of this illness due to the negative attitude I insisted on maintaining.
When I read my grammy's email my eyes were opened to the blessings I have received over the last few weeks. I have spent so much time with my family. With all of our busy schedules it sometimes seems impossible for everyone to be in the house at one time. With camp approaching and then BVS soon after I have felt a need to spend as much time "doing things" as possible. I need to spend time with friends. I need to be out late. I need to go places. Basically, I needed to be anywhere but sitting at home. While I absolutely love doing these things, I was overlooking something HUGE that I needed to be doing. I needed to be spending time with my family.
Why do I always insist on putting my family second? Yes, I'd do anything for them; nobody messes with my sisters but me, and no one sasses my parents but me, but I always assume that "Hey, they're family, so they'll always be here. If I don't have anything else to do THEN I'll hang out with them." Just typing that out makes me want to kick myself! I mean, have you met my family?! They are awesome! Yeah, mom asks a million questions when we're watching movies and dad eating peanuts drives us all crazy, but they are mine and I love them! I have hung out with my sisters and my parents so much more than usual over the last couple of weeks and it does make me sad to think that I won't be able to see them as much come Friday. Don't get my wrong, I am ecstatic for camp to begin! I get to play make friends and hang out with kids and get paid for it! I guess bittersweet would be a good way to describe how I'm feeling. I am very thankful for finally having my eyes opened. God knows that I am stubborn (not one of my finest qualities) so He knows just how to get my attention! I never would have thought that I'd be grateful for Mono, but through Christ my eyes have been opened and I am now able to once again see just how awesome God's plan is compared to my own!
In the coming months and even years, I will be especially challenged to keep in mind the words sent to me from my loving grandmother:
"I wonder what God is saying about [insert situation here]?
Our plans and His plans"
These are my fabulous Nanas!
"Wonder what God is saying about this mono business?
Our plans and His plans"
For those of you who don't know, I do not like being sick (who does?!). I become especially whiny when I have a sore throat (just ask mama about it, she will testify). Earlier this week I would have described my throat's pain as a raging forest fire (and I am not being dramatic!). Yes, this was again an inconvenience, but I was not allowing myself to see the positives of this illness due to the negative attitude I insisted on maintaining.
When I read my grammy's email my eyes were opened to the blessings I have received over the last few weeks. I have spent so much time with my family. With all of our busy schedules it sometimes seems impossible for everyone to be in the house at one time. With camp approaching and then BVS soon after I have felt a need to spend as much time "doing things" as possible. I need to spend time with friends. I need to be out late. I need to go places. Basically, I needed to be anywhere but sitting at home. While I absolutely love doing these things, I was overlooking something HUGE that I needed to be doing. I needed to be spending time with my family.
Sisters are fun!!
They made me! Is that weird?
Why do I always insist on putting my family second? Yes, I'd do anything for them; nobody messes with my sisters but me, and no one sasses my parents but me, but I always assume that "Hey, they're family, so they'll always be here. If I don't have anything else to do THEN I'll hang out with them." Just typing that out makes me want to kick myself! I mean, have you met my family?! They are awesome! Yeah, mom asks a million questions when we're watching movies and dad eating peanuts drives us all crazy, but they are mine and I love them! I have hung out with my sisters and my parents so much more than usual over the last couple of weeks and it does make me sad to think that I won't be able to see them as much come Friday. Don't get my wrong, I am ecstatic for camp to begin! I get to play make friends and hang out with kids and get paid for it! I guess bittersweet would be a good way to describe how I'm feeling. I am very thankful for finally having my eyes opened. God knows that I am stubborn (not one of my finest qualities) so He knows just how to get my attention! I never would have thought that I'd be grateful for Mono, but through Christ my eyes have been opened and I am now able to once again see just how awesome God's plan is compared to my own!
In the coming months and even years, I will be especially challenged to keep in mind the words sent to me from my loving grandmother:
"I wonder what God is saying about [insert situation here]?
Our plans and His plans"
These are my fabulous Nanas!
Friday, May 11, 2012
Dear Lord, Make Me Fruity
Where has the time gone?! It is so hard for me to believe that I am done my first year of college and now have exactly 2 weeks until I leave for camp. Never before have I had my entire summer full. Is this what's it's like to feel popular?! But in all seriousness, I am very excited! I guess I'm just making this post in the hopes that I can ask for prayer.
I enjoy sleep more than the average human, and the more I speak with some of my fellow employees for the summer, the more I am coming to realize that I will be running on very little sleep. This would not be an issue for a few days, but I am a little worried that after a few weeks I will become run down at times and lack the energy to keep up with the campers.
Please pray that God will provide for me the energy to be a positive, enthusiatic counselor who will be able to keep up with the campers, whether it's the first week of camp or the last. Also pray that I would possess and hold dear all of the Fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control) seeing as they would be more than helpful during camp!
I also enjoy being home. I love my friends, my families (biological, extended, church, animal), and the familiarity, and I have never been away from home for more than a month at a time. While I am very excited to serve and begin this new chapter, I am also a little nervous.
Pray that the Lord gives me peace during the up and coming transition. Pray that He would guide me as I choose the location in which I would like to serve and pray that He would give me a servant's spirit, one that is not concerned with myself, but with those around me;
In regards to both camp and BVS please pray that I would be a light for the world and that my spirit would be humble. Please also pray that I give God all of the glory; these are His hands after all and I would be foolish to think otherwise.
I'd like to thank those who are already praying for me. God truly does answer prayer (maybe not always how we would like or expect) and He has truly granted me an incredible peace throughout this whole process as well as guidance. I am so blessed to have such Godly friends and family!
I enjoy sleep more than the average human, and the more I speak with some of my fellow employees for the summer, the more I am coming to realize that I will be running on very little sleep. This would not be an issue for a few days, but I am a little worried that after a few weeks I will become run down at times and lack the energy to keep up with the campers.
Please pray that God will provide for me the energy to be a positive, enthusiatic counselor who will be able to keep up with the campers, whether it's the first week of camp or the last. Also pray that I would possess and hold dear all of the Fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control) seeing as they would be more than helpful during camp!
I also enjoy being home. I love my friends, my families (biological, extended, church, animal), and the familiarity, and I have never been away from home for more than a month at a time. While I am very excited to serve and begin this new chapter, I am also a little nervous.
Pray that the Lord gives me peace during the up and coming transition. Pray that He would guide me as I choose the location in which I would like to serve and pray that He would give me a servant's spirit, one that is not concerned with myself, but with those around me;
In regards to both camp and BVS please pray that I would be a light for the world and that my spirit would be humble. Please also pray that I give God all of the glory; these are His hands after all and I would be foolish to think otherwise.
I'd like to thank those who are already praying for me. God truly does answer prayer (maybe not always how we would like or expect) and He has truly granted me an incredible peace throughout this whole process as well as guidance. I am so blessed to have such Godly friends and family!
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Kids Rule, Excuses Drool
I think the reason I love being around children so much is because I want to be like one still. Don't get me wrong, I love being able to make my own decisions (with the help and guidance from my wonderful parents, of course) and driving (I really love driving), but there is just something about kids that astounds me. They don't beat around the bush; they say exactly what they are thinking, and there is something extremely refreshing about that. Yes, on occasion they'll announce to the whole room that mom-mom smells funny or that dad's cooking just isn't cutting it, but they don't say these things with the intent to be vindictive or hurtful, they are simply telling it how it is. Children are so innocent. I remember when I was little (many, many moons ago) I believed that I could accomplish anything, aside from choosing my own haircut (thanks a lot, mom). I could be anything I wanted to be. I could travel anywhere in the world. I could marry anyone (and by anyone I mean Orlando Bloom). Any and everything was achieveable. It is this mindset that I see in children that makes me love being around them. They don't see the limits we (I'm an adult, right?) as adults find ourselves facing.
I've been thinking about these limits so much lately. Limits in regards to money, time, opportunity, ect. and the more I think about these limits the more I think that maybe they're just excuses. Excuses to not takes risks, or go against the status quo. Excuses to not follow the path that God has set out for us, especially if that path may be frightening or unexpected.
It took me about a month to tell my parents that I'm not coming back to school in the fall. I kept running different scenarios through my mind. There were ones where good ole mom and pop were sobbing due to disappointment and shame because their favorite daughter wasn't returning to school to receive the higher education she had sworn to do. There were others where I was 35 and living at home, no degree, no money, no future. I think you get the point...the scenarios I thought up were completely ridiculous. When I finally told my parents I was met with an incredible amount of support. They didn't question my decision once, instead they sought ways in which they could help me along this journey. I also received an insane amount of support from my extended and church families as well. Cards, calls, and short discussions further encouraged me and made me believe that maybe I wasn't so crazy for following this new path. Not once was I discouraged from my decision. Not when I told my friends at school or at home, not when I told my parents, and not when I told my church family. I truly believe that that was God. I was incredibly frightened about this decision (leaving for a year through BVS instead of returning to school) and I believe that God only placed those with positive feedback in my path because He knew how much I needed that support.
So, I'm trying to be more childlike. I'm trying to throw away all of the excuses and limits and believe that with God I really can accomplish anything. And as simple of a statement that that may seem, it can be extremely hard to believe that you can accomplish ANYTHING with God's help. Anything. That's a lot of things. Yes, some of my childhood goals and aspirations may not be exactly what God has intended for my life (fingers crossed that the Orlando Bloom fantasy isn't one of them) but I can't even begin to imagine what amazing, unexpected things He has planned for me!
I've been thinking about these limits so much lately. Limits in regards to money, time, opportunity, ect. and the more I think about these limits the more I think that maybe they're just excuses. Excuses to not takes risks, or go against the status quo. Excuses to not follow the path that God has set out for us, especially if that path may be frightening or unexpected.
"'Excuses are not cool!"
It took me about a month to tell my parents that I'm not coming back to school in the fall. I kept running different scenarios through my mind. There were ones where good ole mom and pop were sobbing due to disappointment and shame because their favorite daughter wasn't returning to school to receive the higher education she had sworn to do. There were others where I was 35 and living at home, no degree, no money, no future. I think you get the point...the scenarios I thought up were completely ridiculous. When I finally told my parents I was met with an incredible amount of support. They didn't question my decision once, instead they sought ways in which they could help me along this journey. I also received an insane amount of support from my extended and church families as well. Cards, calls, and short discussions further encouraged me and made me believe that maybe I wasn't so crazy for following this new path. Not once was I discouraged from my decision. Not when I told my friends at school or at home, not when I told my parents, and not when I told my church family. I truly believe that that was God. I was incredibly frightened about this decision (leaving for a year through BVS instead of returning to school) and I believe that God only placed those with positive feedback in my path because He knew how much I needed that support.
So, I'm trying to be more childlike. I'm trying to throw away all of the excuses and limits and believe that with God I really can accomplish anything. And as simple of a statement that that may seem, it can be extremely hard to believe that you can accomplish ANYTHING with God's help. Anything. That's a lot of things. Yes, some of my childhood goals and aspirations may not be exactly what God has intended for my life (fingers crossed that the Orlando Bloom fantasy isn't one of them) but I can't even begin to imagine what amazing, unexpected things He has planned for me!
Thursday, April 26, 2012
An Unexpected Gift
God's timing never ceases to amaze me! This past Tuesday I attended a bible study with two of my best friends here at school; it was hosted by the home church of my friend, Nyasha. She had told me prior to our attending that the bible study was centered around dating and relationships. This of course intrigued me; it's always refreshing for me to hear how the biblical ideals of dating differ from the secular (i.e. dating with the intent of marriage, saving ones self for marriage, etc.). I show up to "The Loft" expecting to receive lessons on how to conduct myself in a relationship and maybe get a few tips from the professionals (married folks), but low and behold the lesson for this evening was on singlehood.
I know, God's timing is incredible!
A huge point made by Pastor Herb was that singlehood is a gift from God. For some reason, when he said this my mind just seemed to explode. I sometimes find that I'm lonely and I then think that a relationship would solve that problem. I mean, with a boyfriend I'd have someone to talk to, someone to hang out with, someone to think about and have think about me. Life would just be absolutely perfect! Right?
But what I (foolishly) don't always remember is that I'm never alone. I have someone that I can talk to at any second of the day. I have someone who is always by my side. I have someone who longs for me to think of nothing but Him and is constantly thinking of how much He loves me. How amazing is that? To think that the Creator of everything I have ever seen and will ever see loves ME. It's one of those things that is so hard to wrap your mind around, but it's true!
So, singlehood is a gift from God. As a girl who had been in a relationship for the last 5 years this seemed more than a little strange to me; and I imagine it would seem strange to many other people my age, but the more Pastor Herb spoke the more I understood. He explained that we as Christians need to trust in God's timing, we need to stop trying to control our own lives (love lives included) and rely on His plan. When someone is single they can more easily focus on the voice of God and what He may have in store for them. Pastor wasn't dissing relationships or marrige; God clearly supports marriage if it is of Him, but he was sure to emphasize that we should wait for the right person. Christians aren't called to casually date and throw themselves towards any willing suitor, but they are instead called to wait. Waiting can be a hard task, especially on days when I do feel lonely or just simply long for someone who is more than just a friend, but I am so excited about this season of my life! I'm excited that God is calling me to serve. I'm excited that He may be preparing an amazing man for me. A man who is absolutely in love with Him. And yes, I am also excited with the idea of waiting. For during this time of waiting I know He will not only do great things through me, but He will also be preparing me for whatever and whoever may lie ahead.
Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:14
I know, God's timing is incredible!
A huge point made by Pastor Herb was that singlehood is a gift from God. For some reason, when he said this my mind just seemed to explode. I sometimes find that I'm lonely and I then think that a relationship would solve that problem. I mean, with a boyfriend I'd have someone to talk to, someone to hang out with, someone to think about and have think about me. Life would just be absolutely perfect! Right?
But what I (foolishly) don't always remember is that I'm never alone. I have someone that I can talk to at any second of the day. I have someone who is always by my side. I have someone who longs for me to think of nothing but Him and is constantly thinking of how much He loves me. How amazing is that? To think that the Creator of everything I have ever seen and will ever see loves ME. It's one of those things that is so hard to wrap your mind around, but it's true!
So, singlehood is a gift from God. As a girl who had been in a relationship for the last 5 years this seemed more than a little strange to me; and I imagine it would seem strange to many other people my age, but the more Pastor Herb spoke the more I understood. He explained that we as Christians need to trust in God's timing, we need to stop trying to control our own lives (love lives included) and rely on His plan. When someone is single they can more easily focus on the voice of God and what He may have in store for them. Pastor wasn't dissing relationships or marrige; God clearly supports marriage if it is of Him, but he was sure to emphasize that we should wait for the right person. Christians aren't called to casually date and throw themselves towards any willing suitor, but they are instead called to wait. Waiting can be a hard task, especially on days when I do feel lonely or just simply long for someone who is more than just a friend, but I am so excited about this season of my life! I'm excited that God is calling me to serve. I'm excited that He may be preparing an amazing man for me. A man who is absolutely in love with Him. And yes, I am also excited with the idea of waiting. For during this time of waiting I know He will not only do great things through me, but He will also be preparing me for whatever and whoever may lie ahead.
Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:14
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Prodigal Daughter
Luke 15:11-24
Jesus continued: "There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, 'Father, give me my share of the inheritance.' So he divided his property between them. Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything. When he came to his senses, he said 'How many of my father's hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.' So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.' But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate."
Well, here we go! Where to begin?! The last few months have been very...unexpected (for lack of a better word) and I have found myself on a totally new path, a path that has been planned by my Heavenly Father instead of myself. Plans. Why do we as humans always try to plan? I'm not speaking in regards to when you're going to do your homework or what you're going to have for dinner, but I'm talking about the "big plans". Plans like, where you're going to live, what major you're going to have, or (what seems to be expected of young adults my age) what you're going to do for the rest of your life. It seems as if my entire life has been focused on and around what plans I had for myself, and it never crossed my mind that maybe, just maybe God might have things in control. Because ultimately, isn't there only one plan that matters: His?
What is so obvious to me now; that I need to give up control of my life to the Lord and trust in his plans, was not always important to me. I had plans to attend college at Millersville, receive my degree in Social Work, get my masters (to make more money of course), marry the boy I had been dating for almost 5 years, settle down, have kids, raise kids, grow old, retire, and then die. This is a general outline of the life I had planned out for myself. There's nothing wrong with this life! I would have been content, happy even, but when things fell apart I was forced to reevaluate my "perfect" plan and instead open my eyes to a life beyond my wildest dreams, a life designed specifically by my Creator.
This life-changing realization came when the relationship I had with my boyfriend ended. If you couldn't tell from MY plan, he was a huge part of the life I had laid out for myself. Simply saying I was heartbroken would be the understatement of the year. I felt like I couldn't breathe, like someone had just knocked the wind right out of me and I couldn't seem to fill my lungs back up. I was drowning in self pity and confusion. What had I done wrong? How could I get him back? Why was this happening? After sitting and talking with him for a couple of hours, the man I had called "mine" walked out of my home and out of my life. As I stood there, unable to help myself from watching his car disappear behind the gray macadam I felt a lonliness that I had never before experienced. Numbly I decended the stairs to the basement where I crawled into bed. I'd hoped that maybe I'd be able to sleep the hurt away, like a fever or headache, but found that my feeble attempt was foolish when I woke from my dreams and entered a nightmare.
(Background Info)
For 2 years prior to this heartbreak my relationship with God had been far from ideal. I attended church, youth group, and missions trips, but outside of those things I was living a sinful life. I had absolutely no relationship with God other than the slight guilt and remorse I felt when I sinned. I knew this was not how I, as a Follower of Christ, was being called to live, but I always thought that I could turn my life around later, when I was older and wiser and had settled down. I mean, these were supposed to be my rebellious years, right?! I know, this logic was completely foolish.
(Back to the Story)
So, here I am laying in bed, not sure of what to do next, when I sit up (which at the moment seems to take every fiber of my being to accomplish) and I cry out to my long lost Father. I plead for mercy and grace; things that I feel so unworthy of but so desperate for. I'm ashamed of myself. I'm ashamed that I ignored my God for so long. I'm ashamed of all my sin. I'm ashamed that it took so much pain for me to finally see that I am/have absolutely nothing without God. I reach over, grab my Bible and start reading. Before I know it I'm lost. But this isn't the kind of lost that makes your hands sweat and your heart race. I became lost in the Word and lost in God's peace. And when I say lost, I mean I felt the Holy Spirit. I felt him pick up my broken heart in his loving hands and begin to piece it back together. My Father saw me in my brokenness and he ran to me. There was no hesitation, no question of whether I would sin again (of course I would, time and time again) or if I would turn my back once more. He didn't care. He forgave my iniquities in an instant and wanted nothing more than to have me as his own once again. It is this relentless love that has completely stolen my heart.
I don't know why it took so long for me to come upon the realization that God is all I do and ever will need, but I do know that the heartbreak I went through was the best thing to have ever happened to me. I'm not saying that now I'm without sin or that everything is easy; that's not the case at all! Christians were never promised an easy, luxurious life. But now I have found my rock, my shelter. Through this difficult season of my life, this prodigal daughter found her way back into her Father's open arms.
Jesus continued: "There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, 'Father, give me my share of the inheritance.' So he divided his property between them. Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything. When he came to his senses, he said 'How many of my father's hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.' So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.' But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate."
Well, here we go! Where to begin?! The last few months have been very...unexpected (for lack of a better word) and I have found myself on a totally new path, a path that has been planned by my Heavenly Father instead of myself. Plans. Why do we as humans always try to plan? I'm not speaking in regards to when you're going to do your homework or what you're going to have for dinner, but I'm talking about the "big plans". Plans like, where you're going to live, what major you're going to have, or (what seems to be expected of young adults my age) what you're going to do for the rest of your life. It seems as if my entire life has been focused on and around what plans I had for myself, and it never crossed my mind that maybe, just maybe God might have things in control. Because ultimately, isn't there only one plan that matters: His?
What is so obvious to me now; that I need to give up control of my life to the Lord and trust in his plans, was not always important to me. I had plans to attend college at Millersville, receive my degree in Social Work, get my masters (to make more money of course), marry the boy I had been dating for almost 5 years, settle down, have kids, raise kids, grow old, retire, and then die. This is a general outline of the life I had planned out for myself. There's nothing wrong with this life! I would have been content, happy even, but when things fell apart I was forced to reevaluate my "perfect" plan and instead open my eyes to a life beyond my wildest dreams, a life designed specifically by my Creator.
This life-changing realization came when the relationship I had with my boyfriend ended. If you couldn't tell from MY plan, he was a huge part of the life I had laid out for myself. Simply saying I was heartbroken would be the understatement of the year. I felt like I couldn't breathe, like someone had just knocked the wind right out of me and I couldn't seem to fill my lungs back up. I was drowning in self pity and confusion. What had I done wrong? How could I get him back? Why was this happening? After sitting and talking with him for a couple of hours, the man I had called "mine" walked out of my home and out of my life. As I stood there, unable to help myself from watching his car disappear behind the gray macadam I felt a lonliness that I had never before experienced. Numbly I decended the stairs to the basement where I crawled into bed. I'd hoped that maybe I'd be able to sleep the hurt away, like a fever or headache, but found that my feeble attempt was foolish when I woke from my dreams and entered a nightmare.
(Background Info)
For 2 years prior to this heartbreak my relationship with God had been far from ideal. I attended church, youth group, and missions trips, but outside of those things I was living a sinful life. I had absolutely no relationship with God other than the slight guilt and remorse I felt when I sinned. I knew this was not how I, as a Follower of Christ, was being called to live, but I always thought that I could turn my life around later, when I was older and wiser and had settled down. I mean, these were supposed to be my rebellious years, right?! I know, this logic was completely foolish.
(Back to the Story)
So, here I am laying in bed, not sure of what to do next, when I sit up (which at the moment seems to take every fiber of my being to accomplish) and I cry out to my long lost Father. I plead for mercy and grace; things that I feel so unworthy of but so desperate for. I'm ashamed of myself. I'm ashamed that I ignored my God for so long. I'm ashamed of all my sin. I'm ashamed that it took so much pain for me to finally see that I am/have absolutely nothing without God. I reach over, grab my Bible and start reading. Before I know it I'm lost. But this isn't the kind of lost that makes your hands sweat and your heart race. I became lost in the Word and lost in God's peace. And when I say lost, I mean I felt the Holy Spirit. I felt him pick up my broken heart in his loving hands and begin to piece it back together. My Father saw me in my brokenness and he ran to me. There was no hesitation, no question of whether I would sin again (of course I would, time and time again) or if I would turn my back once more. He didn't care. He forgave my iniquities in an instant and wanted nothing more than to have me as his own once again. It is this relentless love that has completely stolen my heart.
I don't know why it took so long for me to come upon the realization that God is all I do and ever will need, but I do know that the heartbreak I went through was the best thing to have ever happened to me. I'm not saying that now I'm without sin or that everything is easy; that's not the case at all! Christians were never promised an easy, luxurious life. But now I have found my rock, my shelter. Through this difficult season of my life, this prodigal daughter found her way back into her Father's open arms.
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